30.05.2011

We indeed shared an amazing chemistry....

I have finally QUIT SMOKING!

Yes you read it right and it was difficult i admit but definitely not impossible,  this is my second month of smokeless breadth and finally my room, clothes or my mouth doesnt smell like an ashtray. And i dont run out every half an hour for a smoke break, so i belong to the world of non-smokers now :-D

I realized i should pen this down in this page of mine, so that when i look back at this post years later i remember this day fondly and chuckle.....

xx

p.s I still do miss this cylindrical best friend who has always been with me in times of stress, happiness, anger, and has been my partner for 4 years.. 

First post of 2011

We are almost heading towards the middle of the year now, and this is my first post, clearly i wasnt really paying much attention to this little piece of diary that i have. Mostly because blogs have now become more like a status symbol than anything else. Most of the people are busy advertising their knowledge of words and so called intellect in this platform which was to my knowledge set up as a form of expression. And expressions are always beautiful if they are pure and true and straight from the heart, they dont need to be ornamented by using (shift + f7) option in your keyboard. They don't need to make a point always or make you sound intelligent. 

Anyway this was my observation and expression about the concept of blogging or rather writing and how people are using it. 

cheers

xx

Christmas in England

I haven’t written for a long time, and the reason being is I didn’t feel like or may be I was too engrossed in my new life. The life I had dreamt of far away from my homeland in a beautiful country, a country of opportunities (at least that’s what I thought it would be). But now it’s been very nearly four months and I have settled down emotionally and in the flesh here. Made new friends, slowly built a new home for myself with new people. Hence my mind started working again because my dream is over now and I am back to reality.

I have this little spot in front of my window where I sit and smoke and have been doing that since I have arrived here but unexpectedly I realized I had a similar corner in my own house where I did the same. But when I look outside the views are completely different but they have a very uncanny similarity as well. Probably I noticed this today because its holiday time and every one’s leaving for their home town, going back to meet their family and loved ones for Christmas excepting me. Because I decided to spend Christmas here in England, spend a white Christmas with snow like I had always seen in the movies. I wanted to live a dream I had dreamt of while I was home. But when I see all these people going back to their family and I see myself stuck here with out my family or any of the new friends I have made I realize that Christmas is not about a white or a brown Christmas its about spending time in the arms of your family amidst all the people who love you and know you. I keep having arguments with people about how they get affected by commercialization or the portrayal of life on celluloid, which is far from reality, and I thought I was on the other side of the fence where I was unaffected by all these. But ironically I am no different I also fall in the same herd and get affected by every aspect of commercialization.

Having said that, I know I couldn’t have survived in this alien country alone during Christmas without the company of a very special person who is making all the efforts to make me feel at home and bring a smile to my face every time I feel that I am wedged here without my family. 

Finally i would like to wish everyone merry christmas and a very happy new year!  

21 finally!

20th July 2010

I finally successfully complete 21 years of my life, errr a bit confused about the successful bit though, but nevertheless i do! And this is probably the last year that I celebrated it with my folks cuz in less than two months ill be off to a foreign land, where there will be no mommy to bake a cake for me or a daddy who's gonna buy me gifts!
Well yes, yes I know I have to finally accept the fact that I have GROWN up!

p.s Now i am legally allowed to DRINK!!!! and yeah since its my 21st birthday, and i am also officially a WOMAN now!!! I decided to wear a saree!!! :-ppp

Your musky perfume still lingers on my body

And so does the sweet taste of our first kiss,

The memories are as fresh a morning glory.

Randomness

Sometimes I wonder how constricted my life is and even more constrained are my wants and thought process. On one hand there are people like Chomsky and Miss Wolf who are thinking about and writing mammoth pieces on world economy and the world market and busy evaluating them and breaking their heads over them, and on the other hand there are people like me who start thinking that their world has come to a stand still with just one disastrous relationship or one bad day at work or college. I’m aware that I am not the only one in all probability who falls into this category of humans (If I may call so, because if I am human then god knows what people like Tagore , Einstein or even Chomsky are.) but then I also wonder what happens to such people? Do we remain like this all our lives where our world revolves around flaunting our new job, celebrating our marriage anniversary or any such frivolous event, striving to achieve the highly globalized aspirations and having a few so called intellectual coffee table discussions on globalization and literature?

Lately all I have seen myself distressed about is my relationship, and brooding about how my life would suck if I didn’t have a triumphant relationship or if I don’t get a lucrative job (which of course pays me enough to satisfy all my self esteem needs). But then when I look around and see how people can loose their house and all their loved ones in just a spur of a moment, due to an accident or a natural calamity I speculate how trivial my qualms are. Then I realize that all this can just get washed away in no time but all that will remain is my inner self and if that self is hollow then what is the entire point of my existence. I am not trying to be idealistic here but all I am saying is if we could spend a little more time thinking about our real self, taking some time off from our external self then may be we could deal with extremities a little better than usual. 

Goodbye

Now that its time for me to part ways with Mumbai and I cant find a good enough adjective to describe this city, I would like to thank a few people who have in whatever little way made my stay here eventful and truly memorable. Because a city is nothing without the people and it’s the people who you remember once you look back at the days spend. My three year stay in Mumbai wouldn’t have been complete if either of you would not be there in my life in this course of time.

Reema Bhattacharya

I have fought with her, hated her, shared almost everything with her (leaving aside the lingerie thankfully) and most importantly loved her. My bond with her goes way beyond just friendship because I have practically lived with this woman constantly for three whole years of my life in the same room. I probably can’t live like this with my Husband as well. I can go on and on but then I don’t think this space is enough to talk about how important she has been to me in my stay in Mumbai.

p.s We are not on talking terms for last two days though we are living in the same room (this is the kind of bond that we share)

Roohi Musale

Both of us have bitched extensively about each other, we have passed the nastiest comments about each other; she thinks I am a pack of bones and nothing else. But then she is the one who I spend most of my days with. We are the best bitching and eating buddies. I always miss her when I am in Kolkata, I invariably give her a call when I wanna have dinner out or go clubbing. She has always criticized me but also has been there for me whenever I needed to vent out.

Will genuinely miss you and I mean it. (I know you must be smirking away looking at this but nevertheless I shall say)

Hebah Patel aka Patel scope aka  clubbing partner

Yes her name is hebah patel and she is not a gujju!! She has been entertaining me with her lame jokes for last three years and I am sure by now I have memorized all of them. Infact roohi, hebah, reema and me, all four of us have had one of the most special memories in Mumbai. We have abused each other like no bodies business ( we were working in the same group for projects and I guess that explains it all)

Patel I will always remember you….and you have to party with me every time I come to Mumbai!!

Kritika Bajaj

Yes miss drama queen, I admit here I have bitched about you to my hearts content but always thought you have got a very pretty face :-p. Loved that night when we went clubbing together…Will remember that day for a long time…

Tania Dey

The love guru, who is always ready with advice and has a big enough heart to distribute it to the innumerable men in her life. People say we are very similar lovers and trust me I take that as a compliment. Tania I know you love women and so do I so if I ever decide to swing the other way, you will be my first choice…:-p

Manishek Gupta

My first friend in Mumbai, have spend some great times with you. Love you

Subhash Dawda aka Subbie

The knight in shining armor who saved me in the Iron Maiden concert and since then has been one of my closest friends in Mumbai. We have done it all right from advising each other on our love lives, sharing our breakup stories, bitching, partying and also studying. Subbie thank god I met you other wise I would really miss out on a very good friend in Mumbai. Thanks for being there.

Rooshabh Doshi

He is my Hard Rock friend, whenever I have to go to hard rock I give him a call and vice versa. He is my rock star friend in Mumbai who also dedicated me a song in one of his gigs at Jazz By the bay. One day when you become a national rock star please don’t forget me.:-p

Vahishta Mistry

Thank you for all the wonderful times we spent together, you for a little while may be but made me feel at home in Mumbai. I have always admired you as a person, and will always look up to you professionally and have always envied your diplomacy skills. Thanks for bearing all my irrational behavior and still managing to keep your cool and help me out in every possible way. You have helped me at any given point of time and I shall always remember and value that. You have been and always be a very special part of my life and I sincerely mean it when I say that my stay here would have been incomplete without your presence. I would like to publicly apologize to you if I have ever hurt you in any little way. And I hope you know me enough to know that I didn’t mean any of it. Last but not the least a big thank you to Vasanta Aunty, Aspi Uncle and Granny.

p.s I still think you should take the advice I gave you today seriously…:-p

Achin and Utsav

Will always remember you guyz, sadly enough we got to know each other in the last days of my stay here but really have had some good fun with you people. Achin you are one of those rare guyz who has the capability of being a girls best friend. Because its so much fun chilling with you.

Utsav thanks for helping me out with Financial Management after a long day of work. You are one of the sweetest and the most genuine people I have come across in Mumbai.

Finally a big thank you to Arnab, Priyank, Noel, Nitya, Lavanya, Hiral (My cool boss), Dr Colaco, Yash, and all my class mates Will miss you all…..

p.s I hope I haven’t missed out on any one.

Sophia College

Yet another parting is about to commence and this time it’s not just parting with some one, its with all the memories , the building, the laughter, the anger, the hatred and the love , yes you guessed it right its my college my alma matter.

It’s strange how I have never felt this connect with my schools in the past where I have spent decades of my life.

Sophia College was a dream that I dreamt and it came true, but it didn’t take me long to hate it as well while I was in it, I guess that’s what happens when a dream develops into a reality, we unearth the unpleasant sides of it with our eyes open.

 I will not say I have made the best of my friends here,

 I won’t say I was very active in college activities either,

But this place has given me much more than that. It has changed my perspective, helped me open my eyes and look around, taught me to dream and yet stay in touch with reality.

And all of this would not have been possible with out Lavanya or Professor Lavanya Varadrajan. She is this power packed woman who is not even remotely aware of the effect she has on people, I could at least say about myself, she has inadvertently played one of the most important roles in shaping my character and personality. She made me love education for whatever it is worth and I will thank her for this for years to come by or may be ceaselessly. She has redefined the definition of a teacher. She has been mean, she has been ruthless, irrational, and there have been times when I wanted to break her head as well, but then she has been the only motivational element which drew me to college and to attend lectures. And I am fearful now because I know there are a very few Lavanyas in the world and thus I don’t know what to expect when I attend my masters lectures. Because she has set such high parameters in last two years that I am scared that the love that I have developed for educational system will fade away if those standards of teaching are not met in the future. But nevertheless the love for education will hopefully remain intact.

Today was my second last day in Sophia College and I now wish this day never came because now I feel that I am about to loose my identity.

10th December

Five years back this day had altered my life and since that day this date has been one of the most significant days of my life apart from my birth day. Very little did I know back then that this day would someday mean so much to me….

This day always takes me down memory lane to that chilly, December morning when I met some one extremely special at a tutorial.

I call him my best friend today (because I think this is the only relationship which can be at par with family), but then he is not here to celebrate this day with me and nor can I wish him…

So here I leave my note…

Solitude

I was forever terrified of being alone and thus always ran away from any such circumstances when I have to be lonely physically or emotionally. Because may be I thought I am incapable of being alone or I was scared to face myself. I always resorted to my friends and even random people at times to spend time with or talk to just to avoid being alone.

But then since last couple of months I have practically been alone and now when I look back at it I think I have managed to deal with it just fine.

This has made me more confident and now I know that I don’t need anyone beside me to make me happy or at least survive. The most significant realization that I had was that before when I was encircled by people I was in fact more lonely than I am now because then I didn’t even have myself with me as I was too busy in the process of gathering people around me, because truly every sole is lonely we just think that we are not.

The line by Tagore “Jodi tor dak shune keu na ashe tobe akla cholo re” (If no one responds to you then all you have to do is walk alone) is so simple but is so true. (No wonder he is the literary genius)

Not that I have built a world of mine or something but then at least I have learnt that nothing in this world is impossible and solitude is in fact not such a bloodcurdling thing (at least for extroverts like me).

P.S somehow all the clichéd phrases seem to have a lot of impact on me off late.